Lies, Lies, Lies - Why They Lie

Lies, Lies Lies

 Families Helping Families is an initiative of the Port Alberni Community Action Team. We send out “Learning Moment” articles regularly to help folks understand substance illness. Knowledge is vital in understanding the illness of our family members. You may copy, distribute or share our articles as long as you retain the attribution. You can be added to our distribution list by dropping us a note to - albernihelp@gmail.com

Written by and for people with Lived Experience

Today’s Learning Moment – 10 13 21 Issue: Why Does My Loved One Lie To Me About Their Drug Use?

We’ll cover two points about why we lie to our loved ones about drug use, especially if we develop any problems with our use. Remember the first time you did anything that you thought your parents would get angry with you about? Did you run up and tell them what you did, expecting a good outcome?

When I had my first smoke, I didn’t tell my parents. When I had my first drink, didn’t run up and tell them. When I had my first toke or hallucinogen? Nope, I did not. I don’t think many of us did if any. So the very first thing we learn about drugs is that we have to lie to protect ourselves. Why is that?

It is because we are taught that drugs are bad and therefore people that use drugs are bad. For over 100 years, educational, political, religious, justice and health institutions have been over sensationalizing the harm that drugs can cause.

The major contributor to this sensationalism has been the justice institutions, particularly from the USA but also from Canada.  In the early 20th century, we were told that kids will kill their families after just one joint.  That marijuana causes women to be promiscuous outside of their allotted “race”.  That drugs will lead us to the “devil” and “devil music”.  We have been told that certain groups of people are evil and bad because they use drugs.  We have been told that people who use drugs will inevitably end up homeless and in the gutter having lost everything.

We have been told that kids will develop mental illnesses, that our brains develop permanent irreversible damage.  We have been told that we can become addicted to using most drugs after just one use.  We have been told that we will inevitably become hopelessly unhealthy.

We have also been told that we are “less than” if we can’t handle our drugs (especially alcohol).  We have been told we aren’t badass enough if we don’t go against authority and use drugs or at least try them.  They are a rite of passage in our culture for the wrong reasons.

We have been told many things throughout the last century and more that have implanted themselves into our collective psyche. We have been told that using drugs will inevitably lead us down the path of criminal life and because of that we will be pariahs of society, “unwept, unhonoured and unsung” (Sir Walter Scott).

We have been convinced that people who use drugs are weak, immoral, evil, sick and criminal.

So we lie when we try drugs.

Let's get real here. 90% of us do try drugs when we are young; for so many different reasons.  And our parents, in the culture of sensational terror that has been built around drug use, are indeed horrified and terrified of what will happen.  For many, without a doubt, the terror is very real. Countless families lay down the law in the households about drug use.  Rigid boundaries are set, based loosely on the sensationalism of the early 20th century and the language of the “war on drugs” that became a battle cry of the ’70s and the “just say no” rhetoric of the ’80s.

So we lie.

Of those who do use drugs more than once, which when you look at the reported stats over the years, is around 60-70% of Canadians, about 10 to 15% of those folks end up developing what we are calling a substance use disorder.  So yes, there is truth to the concept that drugs can cause damage to a person’s life.

But notice, not everyone.

That should dispel most of our misconceptions right there.  But it doesn’t.  Habits, concepts, rituals, and beliefs are hard to break.  That’s one of the difficulties of our current approach to drug use in our society.  There is a lot to unpack and repack properly.

So this brings me to my second point.  Let’s look at drug use disorder briefly.  The primary characteristics of the disorder are loss of control when using substances, using despite negative consequences, preoccupation with using, and with some of these drugs, the withdrawal symptoms.

As a counsellor for the last 30 plus years, and having some of my own experience with this, I can say with certainty that it is the overpowering effects of withdrawal that drives a person to continue to use despite negative consequences.  Not all drugs cause this overwhelming need though.  The brutal withdrawal is usually from many of the “stronger” drugs that are illegal, and at least one that is legal (alcohol).  So out of shame and guilt, embarrassment and fear of criminal and social retribution, we lie.

But it is more than the sickness and pain experienced from withdrawal.  We are now learning much more about the brain and the nervous system.  We know that the brain does indeed change when using drugs.  But we also know that it isn’t just the drug that changes the brain.  It is the environment, the way we perceive things, our actions; in short, triggers.

We are learning more about neuroplasticity which is the brain’s ability to develop neural pathways which are crucial to functioning and learning.  We know more about how triggers impact the brain; how chemical interactions naturally occur and react to triggers and how all kinds of “substances” even beyond drugs impact those chemical reactions and triggers. I won’t make claims at this point about the link this has with our concept of “addiction” but I will say that our current concepts of addiction are being significantly challenged.  New facts are being merged with what we already know.

In fact, we are dispelling many of the beliefs we have carried throughout the last couple of centuries as we discover more and more about the brain.  It is what is happening in our brains that drives our urges and behaviours, whether that’s an addictive behaviour or a “recovery” from addictive behaviour.  Add to that, what has happened and what is happening in our environments that help form those neural pathways that drive behaviour and beliefs.  Stay tuned as Science learns more and more every day.

So why do people who use drugs lie?  Why do people who cheat on their diets lie?  Why do people who struggle with gambling, gaming and other addictions lie?  Simply put, the sensationalism and concepts we have developed over the last almost two centuries about substance use in our society have sprouted and became invasive and stigmatizing in our collective beliefs about addictive behaviour and especially anything that we lose control over.  We have been programmed.  We have been duped.

Lying is a survival skill we learn right off the bat.  It is a coping skill we adapt because of the overabundance of punishment we have learned that will accompany and negative behaviour, but especially substance use.  We think we have to protect ourselves because really, we must. 

As drug users, we also develop the innate feeling that the punishment we are receiving is not really for our benefit.  It seems rather for the benefit of the ones affected by the person’s lies and behaviours.  It seems to fill a need for a sense of loose control over us which we all know, is pointless and useless.  We are not using drugs to hurt you but we know it does.  And we are already killing ourselves inside because when it gets to that point, we don’t know how to stop it or why it keeps going.  We are already punishing ourselves to no end:  partly because of the drug, but in very large part, what we believe about the drug and what you believe about the drug.  That’s the harsh reality that we’ll have to face when we’re not quite ready to face it yet.

So we lie.  It’s a default.  I’m not excusing it but explaining it.  It’s not to hurt you, it’s to protect us.

The overall conclusion of these two points is that we need to unpack and throw out most everything we think we know about drugs.  What we think we know is at least half responsible for the issues and problems that people who use drugs face today.  Our laws, our health services, our treatment services, self-help, and mental health institutions are all functioning on misinformation that was planted in the 1800s and stopped developing shortly thereafter.

Our behaviours act within these beliefs and here we are in the 21st century using 19th-century logic with an issue that is entirely social, cultural, and health-related.  But we have turned it into an act of sin and unacceptable anti-social behaviour that is to be shunned, banished and treated much like leprosy was treated back in time.  It is the demonization of drugs that have caused more harm than the drugs themselves.

The sooner we dismantle this, the sooner we can get to the true approaches that can help make the individual, their families, communities and society a healthier place to be.

Author: Ben Goerner— Ben is a retired counsellor. He advocates for people with substance illness or mental illness.

Families Helping Families is an initiative of the Port Alberni Community Action Team. We send out “Learning Moment” articles regularly to help folks understand substance illness. Knowledge is vital in understanding the illness of our family members. You may copy, distribute or share our articles as long as you retain the attribution. You can be added to our distribution list by dropping us a note at - albernihelp@gmail.com